How can you help your child when they are suffering—but no longer open to listening?

When a child suffers or struggles—at any age and for any reason—the sense of helplessness a mother feels can be overwhelming. The pain becomes even greater when you want to help, but your children have already built lives of their own. Sometimes they are not open to listening or cooperating, and in some cases they may even pull away or cut off contact.

So what can we do? How can we still help our children?

When mothers come to me, they know they will learn how to support their children—at any age and in any life situation. That’s why one of the most common questions I hear is: What can I do to help my child?

Mutual responsibility between you and your child is a way to become a catalyst for their growth and healing. A catalyst is something that accelerates a process and helps change happen more quickly.

In our context, it means supporting your child in reaching their goals by taking responsibility for your part in their success. You become willing to change something within yourself—or to do things that may not always be comfortable—so that your child can move forward in life.

Understanding What You Need to Correct Within Yourself

The first and most important step is to ask yourself: What can I change within myself to help my child be healthier, succeed in school, find fulfilling work, or reach their goals?

Once you understand what needs to change within you, focus on it and commit to the process. Your personal transformation can directly support your children in reaching their own goals.

How Can You Know What Your Child Needs to Correct?

1. Shift the Focus Inward

If there is something about your child that you feel needs “fixing,” try shifting the focus inward. Instead of attempting to change your child, begin by correcting the same quality within yourself.

For example, imagine a 30-year-old daughter—who is already a mother herself—constantly complains. As her mother, you want her to feel happier, so you try to explain that complaining creates resistance in others and brings negativity into her life. Sometimes you may even feel frustrated or hurt by her behavior. Yet despite your efforts, she continues complaining, and her daily life feels heavy and bitter.

My suggestion is simple: pause. Stop trying to fix her and ask yourself where you complain in your own life. At first, you might think you are generally positive and rarely complain. But if you observe yourself throughout the day, you may notice subtle complaints that you make about the weather, your body, other people, or the stress in your life.

Focus on correcting this habit within yourself. As you gradually stop complaining, something remarkable often happens: your daughter may begin complaining less and less, and over time, you may barely hear her complain at all.

2. Connect to Your Child’s Soul

Another powerful approach to identifying what your child needs to change is to connect inwardly with your child’s soul and speak to it with intention. Ask to understand what your child needs to correct within themselves in order to heal, build relationships, gain financial independence, or achieve their goals.

Once you gain clarity, work on correcting that same quality within yourself. For example, you may realize your child needs stronger confidence in their abilities. Your mutual responsibility then becomes a commitment to strengthen confidence within yourself.

As you cultivate this quality in your own life, it naturally reflects in your child’s life as well—helping them grow not only in confidence but also in their ability to move forward and achieve their goals.

In the end, the most effective path for the entire family—in every area of life—is when a mother learns to heal herself. Your healing contributes not only to your children’s healing, but also to the well-being of future generations.

What a gift it is to realize that we can positively influence our children’s lives. The formula is beautifully simple: heal yourself, and this becomes the first step in healing your children.

❤️ Hannah